Daybook for Sept. 29

outside my window …  dark, a small light in the sky, birds starting to chirp

around the house … lots of wonderful books piled high, walls screaming for new colors, a floor in desperate need of cleaning, all the ugly hedge bushes in the front ripped out, yay!

from the kitchen … made lots of new recipes this week, such as coconut flour bread and gluten-free corn bread.  Chicken stock.  I need to make something for a "Yum, Yum" auction at church, but I don't know what.

I am playing … had lots of fun at a family picnic.  We had an egg toss, relay races, wheelbarrow races, boomerang throws.  (I threw my boomerang farther than any female in attendance.  Yes, I'm proud.)

I am reading … really couldn't get into the biography of Hannah Whitall Smith.  Such a disappointment to me.  I am reading Scot McKnight's "Praying with the Church ... Following Jesus Daily, Hourly, Today" and love it.  This theme of living out the liturgy and building your life around it has resonated with me for years, and I'm finally feeling a hope of connectedness within the church.

I am pondering … "Now I live and breathe for an audience of One", making that a reality is so freeing.  Also, trying to slow down and enjoy the moment of now, instead of racing ahead to the next thing on my list.

I am praying … moment by moment, day by day strength, for a friend who recently lost her father and lost the sparkle in her eyes, for friends' upcoming adoption, for martyrs

I am grateful … for a kindred spirit in my daughter, a husband who cleaned up my disastrous mess in the kitchen several times this week, the compassion of my son

learning together … fascinating details of the early Byzantine empire, wanting to go see the Hagia Sophia someday, learning that vocabulary is one of my kids' favorite subjects, understanding sentence patterns in English, learning cool things about bears.  We acted out what to do if you encounter a bear in the wild - it was so fun, but to explain it would take the fun right out of it. 

looking forward to … a church picnic and baptism, sewing with Hannah, Asher's football game, a fall train ride

one of my favorite things ... lemon water, first thing in the morning

Daybook for Sept. 15, 2012

outside my window …  still the darkness of dawn, the first really cold morning of fall

around the house … dinner dishes from last night still on the counter, 5 baskets of laundry waiting to be folded, birthday decorations still up from celebrating a good friend's birthday on Thursday

from the kitchen … lots of hot tea, maybe a pumpkin pie if I'm feeling ambitious.  

I am playing … we are making weapons and signums for an upcoming battle between the Romans and the Celts.  We are coming up with our costumes of cloaks, blue body paint and hair gel.  Aaron and Hannah will be Romans, Asher and I are Celts.  We even have names for ourselves.

I am reading … starting the autobiography of Hannah Whittall Smith, "The Unselfishness of God." Reading through the book of Job with the kids, now that's challenging, re-reading "Quaker Summer" by Lisa Samson.  Oh, how her books make me feel at home.

I am pondering … the words of Jesus to the woman caught in adultery, "Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more."  Realizing just how much self-condemnation gets in the way of taking proactive steps of change.

I am praying …for the working out of Romans 8:28 in the lives of my kids, especially Asher, for the faith and trust of Gladys Aylward, for our new church family, for help in letting my kids know that they can always come to me, always be safe entrusting their hearts to me.

I am grateful … for God-appointed friendships, hand-holding, soft baby cheeks, life lived in community.

learning together … Gregorian chants, my kids think monks look "freaky", the Limbourg brothers, it's amazing how well my kids can study artwork, analyzing details I completely miss, the life of Gladys Aylward who inspires us to walk in faith, heeding the voice of God over the voice of man.

stewarding my health … not a whole lot of stewarding going on here, I just consumed a large piece of chocolate cake for breakfast.  The priority for health gets shoved back once again.  I have to take this seriously.

one of my favorite things ... my girl

This Is What I Know

I read this post today and wept.

I have tried to explain to others what I know to be true about Haiti, even though I've never set foot on its soil.  The truth is Haiti's soil has stepped on my heart through sharing life with Hermane and Chilene.  (For those of you who don't know, Hermane was a 9 year old Haitian boy who came to live with us for about a year.  Chilene is his mother who also lived with us for about a month and a half.)

There are never the right words to explain what I know, what I've seen, what I've experienced.  I can never describe the insane emotions of having rage, compassion, and confusion all occurring at the same time.

This post about this young woman helps articulate it in a way I can't.  She lived in the same area Chilene and Hermane now live.  This young woman was a young Chilene.  This young woman's mother is what Chilene now is.  Life is so hard for her, has always been so hard.  I no longer have the comfort and security of judging what should be and what should be done.  In the face of so many difficulties, survival is about all you can manage.

What I know -

-dependence on male support can be the only way of survival, anything that compromises that must be crushed
-no education leaves you vulnerable, you are at the mercy of those better educated than you are
-you know that you can make white people feel guilty for what they have and you don't, so you allow them to help you, all the while resenting them for taking away the last vestige of dignity you might possess
-"only the strong and assertive get what they need"
-you are harassed, pressed about from every side continually
-you are always hungry, always in pain
-you are always scared, never trusting
-you carry around the words of Scripture and cling to them more than life itself
-you fling yourself into the arms of Jesus loudly and boldly

I don't want to sound arrogant in assuming that "I know".  I have never had to live this life, just had to watch it from the outside, although it impacted my life and my family's life forever.  This "knowing" has been my biggest grief, yet my most direct route into the arms of Jesus myself.

Our 1st Day Back to School

Today, went well for the most part.  We aren't quite at full speed, we are not doing writing and our grammar program yet.  We are taking a mini-break from Math, too, but by next week we'll be full speed ahead.

Some new things I'm trying this year - I'm teaching as much as I can to them both, directly at the same time.  I am cutting the amount of independent work they have, in order to cut down on all the dawdling time.

I am trying a new binder system, getting rid of our old portfolio system.  Each subject area has a binder and we will store our work for the year in each subject binder.

I am taking the advice of Charlotte Mason people and doing as many short lessons a day as I can.  Shorter, more frequent lessons seems to fit the philosophy, "Slow and steady wins the race."

So we'll see how it all pans out.  Each year I start out with such high hopes.  I've given my plans to God, for Him to bring the increase.  I'm especially praying for patience, as I have so very little of it.

My kids are patient with me though, and forgiving.  I did make both of them cry today by my impatience, which makes me want to throw the towel in and declare, "I just can't do this!"  But, what better way for patience to be instilled in me, I guess.  Love does cover a multitude of sins.

Daybook for Sept. 3, 2012:  Boy's Birthday

outside my window …  gray, overcast sky; heavy, sticky air

around the house … house is a mess, clothes still scattered everywhere, walls ready to be painted

from the kitchen … buckeyes for Asher's birthday, bread dough thawing for a pizza roll

I am playing … too tired to play

I am reading … The Color of Tea by Hannah Tunnicliffe.  Not quite invested yet.

I am pondering … the idea of what it means to "stand back" and let God move according to His will

I am praying …for strength to keep going, for renewal, for kids' friendships

I am grateful … for the generosity of my children who give beyond their years, for a nine-year old son who loves me unconditionally, for a daughter who is cuddlicious

learning together …tomorrow is our first official day of the new school year.  I don't feel ready, willing or able.

stewarding my health … trying to gear up for a no sugar, gluten or dairy lifestyle

one of my favorite things ... my boy